Life

After thinking things through over the past few days, I find myself questioning everything. Am I doing the right thing by holding on to her, when I can’t even explain the trust she needs from me? The truth is, there’s barely any trust left between us. She’s deeply disappointed in me, because in her eyes, I always seem to be lying—even when I’m not. I just wish she could look at me with her heart and not just with doubt. But maybe I’ve already failed her. She only believes in what she sees, and I’m not someone who explains myself much. I’ve always believed that the truth will reveal itself in time, but maybe that’s not enough. Yes, I feel like I’ve failed her. Maybe I’m not the right person for her. But the selfish part of me can’t let go. I still hold on, even though she no longer trusts me. Maybe… maybe I should set her free. I feeling guilty about wanted to possess her.  But can I, I really want to be selfish for this round. Just want to hold her back to me. Ever our point of vie...

These past seven weeks have been one of the hardest times of my life—for me and for my laopo. I’ve been overwhelmed with stress, confused about what’s right and what’s wrong. The values I grew up with, the things my family taught me—I always believed they were right. But now, I see that what I thought was keeping peace may have hurt the person I love most. To her, not sharing everything feels like lying. And in her eyes, I became someone I never wanted to be—an actor, a liar. That cuts deeper than I can explain. It feels like life is making a joke out of me. I wish I could just be with my babies again, where things were simpler and filled with pure love. But I’m here instead, exhausted—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Even my close friends don’t seem to understand. My kor tells me I shouldn’t make things worse by trying to explain myself—that I act like a hero when I should just stay quiet. Maybe he’s right. Maybe building up my wall again is the only way to survive. But it h...

Yesterday, I lost someone incredibly dear to me. We had a terrible argument, and in the aftermath, she made the painful decision to walk away. She is a kind, loving woman who gave me her all. She treated me with a warmth and care I never deserved to take for granted. And yet… I did. I was the one who hurt her. I was the one who couldn’t hold it together when it mattered most. The truth is, she deserves someone better—someone who won’t make her feel small in the middle of a storm. Now, all I have is this ache. The silence she left behind is louder than any fight we’ve ever had.